As some old swiss bloke probably once said sometime maybe “The more the cheese smells like foot, the better”
Claus you were a wise man. Stinky cheese is one of life’s many pleasures (the others in order are Cigars, A cold tinny of VB after doing something manly, cereal after a shower at midnight, and bitch slapping Robin Thicke).
Back to cheese.
A good friend of mine who I grew up with recently returned to Melbourne after 11 years in exile in Switzerland, let’s just assume his name is Jerome for the purpose of this narrative. So the logical thing to do is to treat him to something Australian? WRONG. Swiss food is the answer. Last night a small group of us gathered around an ikea table to witness the greatest spectacle of cheese. Fondue.
Having recently performed a surgical raclette I knew what cheeses stank real good. Traditionally a REAL Fondue is moitié-moitié, a 50/50 split of gruyere and Vacherin Fribourgeois. But hey I’m a modern woman and am time poor so whatever it could get a the vic market will have to do. Picking up a fondue kit was as simple as going to any op shop in Melbourne, I personally guarantee that every op shop has one.
750g of grated cheese (start with gruyere. I went with a split of 60% Gruyere, 20% appenzeller and 20% raclette)
500ml unoaked white wine – in this case pinot blanc from my favourite german wine region, Alsace.
2 cloves of garlic
2 tbsp of corn flour
Day old bread
Mustards of your choosing
Some sliced meat of some kind of sort thing.
Radishes for dat crunch.
- Combine the grated cheese with the corn flour and shake it all about.
- In your Fondue vessel (either a pot or kit) rub the two cloves of garlic crazy all over the pot, literally shred it into the pan.
- Add the white wine to the pot and bring to a very light simmer.
- Add the cheese in small batches on a low heat and stir very very lightly/when needed
- Once the cheese has come together and there are no lumps left, add a little black pepper and transfer to the table for maximum showing off.
It’s important to keep the fondue warm while you edge closer and closer to cheese dreams, if your little fondue kit can’t handle it, work in batches or add more candles.
Oh the kirsch? Dip your bread in it before dipping into the cheese, you’ll thank me.